The Battle to Read Deeply
You don’t have to burn books to destroy a culture. Just get people to stop reading them. Ray Bradbury said that in 1994, several years before the proliferation ... Read More
I read here and there about what publishers are publishing a lot of now. Those can sometimes be opportunities for despair. A down-side of a market-driven approach is that broad readership is not always the best indicator of quality. Though, to strike back at the snob in us, it’s not always an indication of tripe either. This book called The Lord of the Rings has sold a few copies.
One of these popular categories for fiction these days is Amish Romance. You heard me: Amish. Romance. The Romance category in general mystifies me somewhat, and I have many memories of scoffing at the titles of some books of people I’ve been around–in ignorance, it must be admitted. Historical Romance was always a big hit with many ladies I knew growing up.
Just make some combo of the following words and you can come up with a title.
Love. Wind. Hope. Promise. Prairie. Softly. Gently. Whisper. Choice. Season. Did I already say Wind?
Anyway, I think my sister was reading some Historical Romance one day when we were kids and I was making one of my usual forays into misnaming the book using some combination of the words above.
And I got it right on. First try. Having never seen the book. That was a happy day for me. I think my sister even laughed.
I will allow that Fantasy probably sounds just as strange to people who don’t read it as Amish Romance sounds to me.
Anyway, the point of this isn’t to alienate the entire reading public, but to announce my intention to almost totally cave to trendiness in publishing and yet hold on to something of my own inclinations.
I am starting an Amish Fantasy series.
Your mission? To help me name my first book. Best Amish Fantasy book title in the comments section gets a hug from me, and an autographed copy of my autograph (that’s right, I will autograph my autograph and give it to you).
So help me out here. What’s a good name for the first in the series?
Note: This post was not intended to be hurtful either to Amish people, Amish Romance readers (which apparently is everyone), or Fantasy readers, or the readers of the Lost Ark. The views in this post do not necessarily represent the opinion of the staff and management of the Rabbit Room, S.D. Smith, or any of his slush funds, shadow governments, or multinational corporations, or his chain of hot-dog stand/tanning beds.
54 Comments
Andrew Mackay
I’m all over it… How about… “The Dark Shunning”… or “The Wandering Wind”… or maybe “Black Hat, Softly”?
Emily Hilleke
My favorite Amish romance title is “The Betrayal.” So simple – I’m ashamed to say I was surprised at the end.
May I suggest “Sarah’s Apron”, “Rebekah’s Cap”, “Rachel’s Cape” for a series?
Or “The Promise Ride”? “Lost Reins”?
Loren Eaton
I’m tempted to suggest Amish noir, but Witness already got awfully close to that.
Drew
Why not throw some Vampires into Amish Country and hit both publishing trends at once?
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090715/ap_on_en_ot/us_rel_christian_fiction
A friend of mine suggests “Bonnets and Bloodsuckers.”
Robert Treskillard
“Little Hobbiton on the Prairie”
Robert Treskillard
I guess I got that wrong: “Little Hobbit-Hole On The Prairie”
Gina Fondale
How about….”As the Butter Churns”……
Paula Shaw
Then, there’s the long-winded kind of title: “Hope’s Choice: How the Prairie Wind Whispers Softly of the Gentle Promise of Love”. Did I get all the words in? That should be a grand read, albeit long. . .
Jodi B.
“Buggy Across the Galaxy” or maybe “Aliens in the Hay Bales” should do it, but they definitely lack pzazz. I’ll be thinking about this all day…
Janna Barber
If you wish to sell a lot of books, you may want to consider using a female pseudonym. How about Stephanie R. Picoult?
Aaron Roughton
Obadiah’s Wormhole
The Mennonite Conspiracy
Journey To The Center Of The Fields
The Chamber Of The Missing Mustaches
Ultimate Rake Fighter
First Barn On The Moon: A Space Trilogy
Charlotte
“Bonnets fade into Oblivion”
“Softly call the Buggy”
“Gray Space”
“No TV in the Atmosphere”
“The Missing Apron of Sarah Wincock”
Jonathan Rogers
Do we get to vote? I’m loving Charlotte’s “Softly Call the Buggy” and Aaron’s “Chamber of the Missing Mustaches.”
Matt
“The Sword in the Buggy”
“Knights of Lancaster”
“The Dragon in the Barn”
“The Elf in the Black Hat”
“A Fantasy Unplugged”
“The Farmer and the Faerie”
Joe Thayer
“Barngate”…………A portal where main character teleports to other Amish communities throughout the cosmos.
Chad Ethridge
I had to check out the official Amish website to get a few ideas!
“Passion and Piety”
“Frowned Upon Behavior”
“Forbidden Behavior”
“Breaching the Ordnung”
“Bundles of Hope”
Micah
“The Shadow of the Barn Raising”
“Matha’s Magic Bonnet”
“The Two Silos”
“The Soft Wind Brings Doom’
“Obadiah and the TV of terror”
Aaron Roughton
Moonraker
A Dinner Bell Ringeth
The Space Grain Series
The Enchanted Buggy
The Fancy Timepiece
Walketh Thee North! Or Be Scolded Handily
Matt C
YES! I love some of these. Thanks for making me laugh! Perhaps you might consider:
“An Unencumbered Beard”
“Electricity Without Electricity”
“Herbie the Love Buggy”
And to sink really low:
“Amish You Were Here”
Joe Thayer
“Zipper Zeitgeist”
Ron Block
@ronblockWould Bikini Buggy Wash: Vixens from Venus be inappropriate? I realize after the fact that I am including Scienti-fiction in the Fantasy category, but I hope it won’t get me kicked out of the Rabbit Room.
Tony Heringer
I’m going with Chad’s approach:
“The Children of Amman”
“Planet Plain”
“Rumschpringe”
But could we do better than Weird Al?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsfVw9xxoNY
Rob Dunbar
How about:
Hannah Yoder: Elf-Queen of Arcola
or,
Dragon’s Fire, Maiden’s Candle
Drew
Side note: my wife once lived in a heavily Amish area of Our Fair State, and her neighbor, an older, single Amish lady, would wait until it was dark, then fire up her gas mower to cut the lawn. If she saw buggy lights coming down the road, she turned off her mower and hid until the buggy disappeared into the distance, then went back to her mowing.
Sometimes she would dress up in “English” clothes, put on a wig, and go to the nearest casino.
Rebel Amish.
Jacob Tilton
LEFT BEHIND the Times
Micah
I’m loving this. I think Chad’s “Breaching the Ordnung,” and Aaron’s “A Dinner Bell Ringeth” are my favorites so far.
Shawn
“The Gentle Shunning”
“The Liberal Ordnung”
“The Patient English”
Rob Dunbar
May I add: “Lord of the Schuflies”?
Joe Thayer
“The Chronicles of Lancaster”
Russ Ramsey
@russramseyMy wife’s suggestion for the amish books– made me spit milk out my nose:
“So You Think You Can’t Dance.”
Aaron Roughton
Russ, I was just wondering when we’d hear from you. Now I want you to hand the keyboard to your wife and let her hammer out some more milk spewing suggestions. Hilarious.
Amy @ My Friend Amy
I’m afraid this will be hot competition to my Amish Vampire Romance!
katiebabs
How about this for a title:
The Tycoon’s Virgin Amish Mistress
Sheila DeChantal
The Curious Incident of The Buggy in the Night
kevin
“The Shunning of Jakob Swenson”
“A Swiftly Churning Butter”
“The Ordnung Alliance” The story of technological meltdown in the US and Amish rise to power… because they still know how to do stuff.
“Matthew Lapp and the enchanted Hatband” Of course, this one kinda means the story has to be about a hatband… unless you haven’t solidified a plot yet…
Joel Henry
Black Hats, Red Hearts
Raising the Barn of Love
Only a Clothes Line Away
Josiah
How about “Ezekiel’s Vision” ?
Aaron
“Mennonite in Black”
Charlotte
Thanks for the vote, Jonathan! I am really liking Mennonite in Black and So You Think You Can’t Dance. LOL Btw, What’s an ordnug?
Paula Shaw
I think Aaron’s “Mennonite in Black” wins! Hands down!
Peter B
There are many fine contenders, but I’m still all over Ultimate Rake Fighter.
Charlotte: as you can learn from the For Richer or For Poorer (the original Amish romance movie), “ordnung” is a German word meaning order/organization/arrangement and refers to both an autonomous community of Amish and the rules that govern said community.
*sigh* Apparently my creativity has departed in favor of pedantry today.
Mike
“As the Buggy Wheel Turns”
“Burning the Candle at both Ends”
“The Hay Loft Affair”
Dan K
being from the Amish country I absolutely love this thread.
Too many Mennonite
The Mennonite Mafia
Chakey Unleashed
Chakey in Charge
Lancaster, I don’t even know her.
John Jacob Stoltzfus, his name is my name too
The Big Scrapple
Let’s get ready to Scrapple
Lard Times
Shoo Fly Pie of Love
Dan K
I should fill in some definitions:
“Chakey” is an Amish term for friend/buddy.
Scrapple is the mystery breakfast food.
Shoo Fly Pie – I best heard as pecan pie minus the pecans. (molasses, brown sugar, etc).
Ron Block
@ronblockI like Mennonite in Black and So You Think You Can’t Dance, which could have made chocolate smoothie come out my nose if I wasn’t being careful.
E
Hysterical thread. I can hear applause to “So You Think You Can’t Dance.”
How about:
Credenza Caress
Sea Without a Shore (stolen from AP)
Carpenter’s Night
By the way, if you call them the Amish (long A as in “hay” instead of the “ah” sound)… they don’t think it is funny at all.
Peter B
Dan: in that case, how about Joanie Loves Chakey?
No?
Charlotte
Ohh…. thanks, Peter! Hey- I learned something on this thread! Now I feel like this time spent on crazy book titles was justified! 🙂
Charles Churchill
First of all, there is no such thing as a fantasy book. You have to do a series…
The Plowblade Saga
A Sowing of Meidung
A Deluge of Bonnets
Ordnang Summer
A Harvest of Beards
Charles Churchill
The Churning of the Ancients
The Shunt of Time
Eternal Rumspringa
My personal favorite:
The Man Who Shunned Time
(Also in my earlier post, I meant to say, you have to have a theme for the whole series)
Aaron Crossley
“The Sound of Instrumental Music”
Charlotte
My late entry: “The Beard that Disappeared”
Jodi from WV
“Dragon’s Fire, Maiden’s Candle” and “The Man Who Shunned Time” sound like actual book titles, I’d probably read those =)
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