Advocate or Accuser?


I had an email from a friend this morning who saw something in my life and felt called to point it out. It was about how Gina and I parent our kids. I am not always good at receiving this kind of feedback. It’s embarrassing. It makes me feel weird to think people are watching, noticing things. This is so often the avenue of judgement and accusation.

Many people don’t understand that the name “Devil,” means “Accuser.” It comes (literally) from the idea of throwing stones. On the other hand, both God the Son and God the Holy Spirit are described as our Advocates. It is a Trinitarian task to advocate on behalf of those who are in Christ.

Loving people includes loving confrontation. If I hate my children, I fail to confront them with their rebellion and sin. This is the case even—no, particularly—when what they are doing comes naturally. That’s what sin is and Christians are called to die to sin in order to live. Failing to correct, refusing to say the same thing God says about our sin, is a way of hating our children, and hating each other.

That being said, are the fellow Christians speaking into your life more like Accusers or Advocates?

An Advocate will call you to come clean and do right, but keeps coming back to making an argument on your behalf.

An Accuser can’t see past your sin.

An Advocate can see who you’re becoming.

An Accuser can see the worst of what you’ve done.

An Advocate sees the long story of your life.

An Accuser says, “I know you’re guilty.”

An Advocate says, “I’m on your side.”

That email I mentioned was from an Advocate. He couldn’t wait to share with me things he saw in our home life that were beautiful to him. He was eager to heap praise and to point out what God was doing.

I needed that. Because, as I wrote to him:

“It’s easy enough to believe only the mess of imperfection that we can see of our lives, and be blind to the good things God is doing. Thanks for seeing that and for taking the time and energy to point it out.”

I don’t want to condone and celebrate sin. I want to avoid hitching a ride on the bandwagon where rebellion and death are celebrated.

But I want to be an advocate for my brothers and sisters in Christ. I want to see more than sin and the sinner. I want eyes to see also the emerging (and already-positioned) saint. I want to be an ally, one who isn’t surprised at seeing sin in others, but one who is quick to extend grace.

My categories of Advocate and Accuser are not air-tight by any means, but here’s my question:

Would you more easily be described as an Accuser, or an Advocate?

I’m not entirely comfortable with how long it takes me to think about how to answer that. So, onward…toward grace.

And a beautiful place to start is with our children.

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This post originally appeared at Story Warren.


  1. Canaan Bound

    Good = true and convicting. In the best of way possible.

    And just for the record, I greatly admire the way you and Gina parent your kids. Seriously.

    In fact, you and Gina both (as well as many other Rabbit Room contributors) have taught me, perhaps unintentionally, a great deal about good parenting.

    True, I live nowhere near you guys, and naturally those closest to you know you best, but from what I’ve gathered (from what you share on facebook, Story Warren, and here in the Rabbit Room) you guys are the kind of parents I want to be someday. You parent with a great balance of freedom and direction. You have managed to raise intellectually-competent kids while somehow stimulating (rather than smothering) their natural curiosity, creativity, and imagination. It’s a wonder to me.

  2. Taryn

    Ah. Yes. You’ve succinctly put into words that which is on my heart. I pray to be an advocate above all. But, urge myself and others not to shy away from holding ourselves and others accountable for fear of being perceived as an accuser. Forgetting self and forging ahead for the gospel – easier said than done – but definitely a worthy pursuit!

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