The Rabbit Room

Alcoholics Anonymous teaches us that you can never rest in your freedom but you need to actively continue to pursue it. That’s why they’re “recovering alcoholics” and not “recovered.”

I call myself a recovering cynic.

It’s a tendency I have and it’s a place I willingly gave myself to for years. Wasted years. Life is better than that. Nobody ever hung out with a cynical person and left thinking “Well, that was really nice!” It’s just a drain on everybody.

How was I able to move past it? I saw people loving when it wasn’t easy. I saw them have joy when they were hurting. I saw them failing each other, forgiving and being forgiven, and moving forward together. When you really see that you have to decide if you want in, or if you want to call it stupid and walk away.

I want in.

And I want to keep wanting in.

“I Was A Cynic”
from Andrew Osenga’s Flesh EP

I’ve been a, I’ve been a, I’ve been a cynic
it was a, it was a waste of time
thought I had, thought I caught some kind of vision
I was a, I was a foolish child

but I cared
and that’s something
I still do
that ain’t nothing

come on, come on, come on!

I had my, had my, had my opinions
I’ve had them, I’ve had them bite me back
woke up in, woke up in, woke up in prison
love broke me, love broke me out at last

cause you cared
and that’s something
you still do
that ain’t nothing

come on, come on, come on!

oh, I believe it
oh, I have seen it
oh, I have seen real love

looked nothing like I had thought
looked nothing like I had thought
cause it hurt
nothing like I had thought
it took time

only holy soul in the back row, baby
watch me slowly loosen my grip
dare I claim the death of a darkness, darling?
can’t you see it starting to slip?